How do you build Habits that Stick?
Aristotle once said, “We are the sum of our actions, and therefore our habits make all the difference.”
I want to build habits that stick.
I want to meditate more, exercise more and eat better.
So I downloaded a meditation app, joined a gym and cleared my fridge.
There was one thing I learned while being CPO at a smoking cessation health-tech startup. The reasons smokers fail to quit are because of two factors. Increase the levels of these two factors, both of which are measurable, and you have yourself a success story.
These two factors are “Motivation” and “Confidence”.
This works in breaking an addiction, and it works in picking up a meditation habit. For a smoker, it is “motivation” to quit, and “confidence” that they can quit. For me, it is “motivation” to meditate, and “confidence” that I can do it.
Confidence
Let’s get confidence out of the way first. This is easy to solve for by setting a reasonable goal.
I am confident that I can meditate for 10 minutes, but for an hour. So I set myself up to succeed by using an app that provides daily 10-minute meditation recordings.
Motivation
Motivation is more complex. And some of the early motivation levers I used didn’t work.
I joined a meditation center and tried to meditate with people around me.
I bought a meditation bench.
I set meditation notifications on my phone, day and night.
It worked 20% of the time but annoyed me the other 80%.
The problem is, those motivation levers did not tap into my story nor into my values.
My Story, My Values
I grew up in a city of 10 million people. School was competitive. My parents rewarded me for being a straight-A student. I learned and internalized that accomplishment is good.
Without realizing it, my brain became wired to believe that “Accomplishment is Good”. This means that every time I make a list and check a box, I get an above-average dopamine rush.
I know this because I use a To-Do List at work. As the Product person, I am often the one making To-Do List for my team. Other people don’t seem to get the same satisfaction from checking the box as I do.
But for me, checking the box is a reminder that I’ve accomplished today. And that need is in my bones.
Tying my Habit to my Story
So I tried putting “Meditate” on that list as a recurring daily item.
Shortly after that, I hit my 30-day meditation streak 🥳
It seems obvious now but it wasn’t at the time. My main To-Do list is for work, including work items for other members on my team. To me, the To-Do list is for co-ordinating works across people. I also keep a personal to-do list for occasional work I don’t want to forget, like fixing the garage door or picking up groceries. But for a daily habit that I shouldn’t be forgetting, it seems redundant to make an item just to check it off again.
Except it wasn’t redundant.
Because checking the box is the physical embodiment of Accomplishment is Good. The need is in my bones. And it had an outsized effect as a feedback loop. For me.
Once I had the meditation habit nailed. I added “Exercise” on the checklist.
That’s also working. I don’t exercise everyday, but around 5 times a week I go for a swim, take a longer walk, or do some weights. I tend to exercise in the morning, and the feeling of accomplishment when I check that box fuels me with motivation. On the days I don’t check that box, I feel more draggy. They say exercise increases your focus. In my case I get a double bonus. The exercise, then the subsequent checking of the “Exercise” box fuels me with motivation and focus.
Why did it work?
Box-checking works for me.
Because “Accomplishment is Good” is one of my values; a deep-seated, unshakable value from childhood. By tying my Habit, Meditation and Exercise, to my Value, Accomplishment is Good, I’ve created a good Habit-Value pair, resulting in a habit that sticks.
Celebrate. 🥂
How can you build habits that stick?
Your values are probably different.
Maybe one of your values is “Kindness is Good.”
In that case checking the box will not work for you.
You’ll need to find something else.
I have a gift 🎁 for you. One that will help you figure out what that something else is. Read on to find out. Or jump to the bottom to download the Story-to-Habit template.
Then it stopped working
Thinking I found the magic bullet, I added “Eat Better” to my To-Do List.
That didn’t work.
For one, it’s vague. It defies all OKR, KPI and SMART goal best practices. Meditate and Exercise are activities with clear and defined end. If I get on my meditation mat for 10 minutes I check the Meditation box. If I swim 15 laps I check the Exercise box. But how do I check the “Eat Better” box?
They teach you in KPI class to create actionable goals. I could modify the goal to be a weight goal, but that wasn’t really my goal. I wanted to maintain the same weight anyway. My goal was just to eat better.
So I went back to the drawing board.
The Habit-Value Pair 🔗
“Exercise” and “Meditation” on checklists worked well with my “Accomplishment is Good” value. That’s a good Habit-Value pair.
But the Habit “Eat Better” needs a different value pair.
So I thought about other values I embody.
My parents and I grew up in the 10-million people city. But back in their day, there were constant water shortages. Sometimes the tap only runs for 5 hours in a span of several days. So they had to fill every bucket in the house, and use water very very sparingly.
I inherited this sense of frugality. When I grew up, we saved every plastic bag that came into our house, even though at the time, they were free at the grocery store. Every penny was watched and carefully spent.
So one of my deep-seated values is “Be Frugal”.
Trying another Habit-Value Pair 🔗
I paired up “Be Frugal” with “Eat Better”. I stocked my fridge and pantry with healthy food and allowed myself to eat junk food only at fancy restaurant prices. Only top of the price tag junk food is allowed for this frugal human.
It worked.
Every time I pay $8 for a side of french fries, I wince and think twice. Because I know it only costs $2 for a pack of frozen fries at the grocery store. But my fridge never had frozen french fries, so they’re only available to me at “crazy prices”.
The “Eat Better” and “Be Frugal” Habit-Value pair works for me.
As a mother and an entrepreneur, my mind fills with worry. This is a story about a structured story technique I use to manage worry.
It didn’t used to worry like this.
I remember that in my 20s I was much more carefree.
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